Fight off your demons

Jesse Lacey once said that during a conversation with a friend who suffered from Bipolar Disorder he commented that it felt as if:

“The Devil and God are raging inside of me”

Now, two things come to mind when I think of this:

  1. This quote made for the title of arguably BrandNew’s best album, and informed some incredible songs and lyrics
  2. Secondly, that this is how I feel sometimes

By no stretch of the imagination do I remotely consider having any illness that even vaguely resembles the struggle that someone faces with Bipolar. But I do have numerous times, when the ability to overcome the negativity that I put upon myself becomes nigh-on impossible.

And so I felt this morning. Well all day yesterday too I guess. Ever since gaining my place in the London Marathon way back in October my focus has been on that race – but safe in the knowledge that I was going to have to take part in other races too, both to build confidence in race situations, and to get a better idea of my race timings, and learn to not get too caught up in the moment and control my pacing. So in December I signed up for the Liversedge Half Marathon. According to my training plan, I needed a half marathon this weekend (or probably atleast within a week) and this was the closest one I could find – and only in West Yorkshire, so not too far away. And for the last 7 weeks this race has been the focus of my training – the VLM is still somewhere in the distance at the minute.

But as race day approaches, the 88 mile each way trip has taken its toll on me, and I just could not decide whether to spend the estimated £30 in petrol to drive nearly 4 hours in order to take part in a 2 (and a bit) hour race. Late last night, I decided I’d go for it, and Lyndsey would come down too as support crew. So I set my alarm nice and early. Sadly I was up an hour earlier than the alarm was set, and really struggled to sleep, all the while toiling over my decision whether to spend the time and effort, and battling my inner monologue which was telling me I wasn’t going to win, and recoup my entry fee – and I was laid in bed dreaming up niggles as an excuse not to go. And with that, I decided not to go.

But I vowed not to be defeated. I got up anyway, got MOTD on with a big glass of water, cup of coffee and some porridge in the microwave! Before setting off on my run.

I left the house feeling pretty good, no real niggles, aches or pains! But after only about 15minutes something didn’t feel right in my left ankle/calf/achilles area, but to be honest – I think this was my demon rearing his ugly head, reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, and that I should probably head home now. It was now or never – sometimes you have to ignore these things and just get down to it and prove your Inner Demon that he’s wrong!!!

Marathon Talk kept me going – nearly two full episodes, one of which with Prof. Tim Noakes, who discussed in depth the ability for runners to control their “central governor” which was perhaps the most perfect episode to listen to whilst on my half marathon run session!

Couple of issues with some pain around my knees – again, I need to do more myofascial release when I am not running!!

On the whole (despite a couple of short walk breaks whilst trying to eat lucozade energy jelly beans (don’t think i’ll bother with them again)) I felt pretty good, and although I came home in just over 2:31, according to Endomondo, my newly set PB for a Half Marathon is 2:28:58. Woop, so i broke the 2.5hour mark!! According to my training plan – to get my estimated Marathon time, I take my half marathon time (2:28:58) times it by two and add thirty minutes. So according to this my target time should be approx 5.5 hours. This is a bit higher than I might like – but this was a blooming hilly route, as apposed to a nice (mainly) flat VLM.

Wow, thats hilly!!

So I’m still confident(ish) of a sub 5hour marathon in just 9, yes thats nine weeks until the start-line in London! Eek!

This week in Numbers

2353 Calories Burned
29.57 KM Run
7.2 avg. min/KM
162 avg. HR
188 Max HR
100 Total £’s Donated
88 Febulous Consistency Score

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